


embers

by thisissirius



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Bonfires, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 13:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “Breathe with me.” Aaron grabs for one of Robert’s hands, places it on his chest. “Come on.”

robert suffers a panic attack during bonfire night.





	

**Author's Note:**

> because i read "someone has a panic attack on bonfire night" and immediately think robert. also slice-of-life-y because i love that.
> 
> added noah because that kid needs some happiness.
> 
> enjoy :)

“Can we go to the fireworks later?” Liv asks, dropping down into one of the chairs. She’s already grabbing for the toast Robert’s still piling on the plate in the middle of the table. It’s unnecessary now their home is mostly empty, but he’s still used to a revolving door of people moving through the pub in the early mornings. As if on cue, Chas makes a detour to the kitchen on her way to open up, waving a piece of toast in gratitude as she disappears. 

“Hi, Chas, bye, Chas,” Robert mutters. To Liv, he frowns. “You actually want to?”

Liv makes a familiar face; the _duh_ face that Robert’s becoming accustomed to. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Teenagers are exhausting, Robert’s finding. Not that he minds. “No idea.”

Robert flicks the kettle on, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter. Folding his arms, he observes Liv butter her toast. She’s definitely a mini version of her brother, right down to the way she looks at him, like she knows something he doesn’t. He’s convinced they practice it when he’s not in the room, just to take advantage. He’s surprised he’s not more irritated that it works, for both of them, even if it means parting with every last pound in his wallet. 

“You’re not working are you?” Liv asks, peering at him over the top of her toast. There’s a thud on the stairs; Aaron, finally. “Aaron’s free?”

“For what?” Aaron asks, coming through the door. He’s fresh from his bath, hair half wet, half-gelled, and he’s zipping up his hoodie, Robert’s favourite, and he knows it. He grins, sliding around the table to approach Robert. He grips the front of Robert’s shirt, pulls him in for a kiss. It’s still startling that he’s so open, _they’re_ so open. It’s new, exciting, and Robert hopes this feeling never wears off. 

Robert rests a hand on Aaron’s hip, can see Liv over Aaron’s right shoulder, rolling her eyes but smiling. “Morning to you, too.”

“Free for what?” Aaron asks again, pulling away from Robert and sitting opposite Liv. He grabs for some toast, and Robert resigns himself to Aaron’s charming table manners for the next half an hour. 

“Liv wants to go to the fireworks tonight,” Robert offers, as the kettle roars to life. 

“You’re better now and I think Noah could use it.” Liv licks a stripe of jam off of her palm. 

“Oh, _Noah_ could use it,” Aaron says, raising his eyebrows at Robert. 

Robert snorts, grabbing mugs from the cupboard. “If Noah wants to, I guess we can.”

Liv doesn’t say anything else, and Robert can guess from the prickle on the back of his neck, and the slap fight that ensues from the table, that Liv’s glaring at them both. 

Robert finishes making the tea, ignoring Aaron and Liv’s good natured bickering. He settles the kettle back on the side and grabs the mugs. Aaron shifts over to make room, flicking crumbs at Liv. Robert slides the teas onto the table, muttering about children. 

“Whatever,” Liv tells him, taking one of the mugs and blowing across the top of her tea. “You’re just jealous nobody wants to flick crumbs at you.”

Robert rolls his eyes. “Green with envy.”

“I’ll flick ‘em,” Aaron says, grinning. He does exactly that, ring shining in the light spilling from the living room window as he flicks a piece of crust at Robert’s forehead. 

Robert grabs for Aaron’s hip, a soft and ticklish spot that has Aaron writhing away from him, laughing. Liv looks decidedly unimpressed as she sips her tea, but Robert can see the smile tugging at the corner of her lips. He can’t remember the last time he felt this happy. 

 

 

The bonfire crackles and sparks in the dark. 

It’s bigger than it’s ever been, a testament to the village’s hard work. Robert’s surprised everyone pulled together long enough to make it. There’s a makeshift Guy, supplied by Sam, that looks haphazard and sad enough that burning it seems like a blessing. The pub is open, lights splaying enough onto the benches outside to make them worth hanging around. Nobody’s inside; most of the villagers are surrounding the bonfire, the noise a crescendo of laughter and bickering. 

“Cheer up,” Aaron says, digging his elbow into Robert’s side, handing him a hotdog. 

Vic’s handiwork, Robert knows. It’s covered in sauce and onions, definitely not the way he likes it, but Aaron’s not paying attention, too busy biting into his own sauce-drenched burger. 

“You’re disgusting,” Robert informs him, but grins to soften the jibe. 

Aaron shrugs. There’s a smudge of sauce at the corner of his mouth. Robert wants to lean forward, lick it off, so he does. He hooks a finger in one of Aaron’s beltloops, presses their hips together as he licks into Aaron’s mouth. He tastes of burger, sauce, and the smoke of the BBQ. Aaron holds his burger out to the side, like saving it is more important than kissing Robert, but he places his hand on the back of Robert’s neck. He strokes the hairs at the nape of Robert’s neck as Robert dives in, nose squashed against Aaron’s, hand sliding into Aaron’s back pocket.

“Get a room,” Liv says, unimpressed, from somewhere behind them.

“Gross,” Noah agrees. He sounds a little happier than he has in days, and when Robert pulls back to see them, Liv and Noah are sharing a look. They’re worse together than they ever were apart, but Noah’s feeling lonely, and Robert knows what that feels like, is glad he has someone. Even if that means the pub has become more rowdy and noisy as of late.

Shrugging, Aaron tucks into his burger. Robert steps back a little, sliding his left hand out of Aaron’s jeans as he regards his hot dog with barely disguised disdain. He’s contemplating finding Vic for a new one, when there’s a sharp crack and bang from behind them. 

Robert’s muscles lock up, hot dog falling to the floor as his body stiffens. One minute he’s taking in air, the next his chest feels like it’s on fire, like he’ll never breathe again. He stumbles over to the nearest table, one hand pressed to his chest. 

“Robert?” It’s Aaron, but he sounds far away, like Robert’s hearing through a tunnel. 

Vision swimming, Robert can barely make out the bench, the sign of the Woolpack swaying in the evening breeze. He feels sick, can’t stop the short breaths that only leave his chest tighter. 

“Hey, hey,” Aaron says, closer this time, hands gripping Robert’s shoulders. “Look at me.”

Robert tries, focuses on the shape of Aaron above him. “I can’t—”

“Breathe with me.” Aaron grabs for one of Robert’s hands, places it on his chest. “Come on.”

Robert tries; it’s hard to focus, to make himself follow Aaron’s breathing. He thinks of the blood blossoming out across his chest. He remembers the pain, the panic, fading to black with the sound of Chas’ terrified cries in his ear. _Just go!_

“Aaron,” Robert tries, chest seizing with just that one word. 

Aaron cups a hand around the back of Robert’s neck. “Breathe, Robert, come on.”

Robert hears other voices, questions and worries, but he shoves them all aside. He tries not to think about that night, about the wet ground beneath him, the running feet, Aaron’s hands pressed to his bloody chest. This time they’re pressed to his shirt, plain and blue because Aaron likes what it does to his eyes, and Robert lets out a soft sound. 

“That’s good,” Aaron says, so Robert must be doing something right. Aaron’s face swims back into focus. His eyes are wide, worried, and Robert clings to his arm, the hand on Aaron’s hoodie curling into the fabric. Robert breathes, slow and careful. His legs feel like jelly, and the only thing holding him up is Aaron. 

“I’m okay,” Robert says, though he’s anything but. 

Aaron pushes him down onto the bench, crouches in front of him. “You back with me?”

Robert nods, keeps his hands on Aaron. He can feel the press of people around them, drops his chin to his chest. 

Aaron turns, says something and Chas’ voice rings out into the night. 

“Alright, drinks on me for the next two minutes!”

Robert feels immense gratitude as the villagers drift into the pub. He’ll owe Chas later, no doubt, but for now there’s just him and Aaron — and Liv and Noah. Robert rests his forehead against Aaron’s, breaths slow and less painful. “Well that was embarrassing.”

“Shut up,” Aaron says, not unkindly. 

“Is he okay?” Noah asks. His burger is still in his hand, but the sauce has made the napkin wet and soggy. 

Robert blinks. “Vic should give you another burger.”

Aaron frowns, rubs a thumb against Robert’s temple. “What are you talking about?”

“Noah,” Robert says. “His burger.”

Noah looks down at his burger, then back to Aaron. “It’s fine.”

“Liv, can you—” Aaron asks, because he understands Robert better than Robert understands himself. 

Liv looks like she’s going to refuse. She looks at Robert, defiant, but he doesn’t know how to ask her to go, that he needs to be with Aaron. He should know better by now; she's got a lot of her brother in her, and that includes reading Robert when he was convinced nobody could. She stands a little taller, then, elbows Noah. “Come on. Let’s get you a burger.”

Noah nods, distracted, and sighs. “Fine.”

The two of them disappear in the direction of the pub, Liv casting one last look over her shoulder. 

 

 

“It was the firework,” Robert says, though he’s sure Aaron knows anyway. Robert’s not an idiot; he knows he’s a counselor's dream, but taking that step is always the hardest. He can just imagine his father’s face at the notion that his son would need counselling. 

Aaron leans against him on the bench, taking Robert’s hand in his own. “I didn’t forget about the car insurance.”

Robert knows that, too. He can’t imagine Aaron getting behind the wheel of a car anytime soon, doesn’t particularly want to get behind one himself. He wakes, sometimes, assaulted by memories of shoving a steering column, desperate to get Aaron out, taking lungfuls of dirty water in his panic.

_Aaron’s messed up_. Robert remembers saying that at Gordon’s trial, believing it. He’s messed up too, though. Maybe that’s why they work. Maybe it’s why they sometimes don’t. 

The bonfire cracks, then, a loud enough sound that Robert jumps. Aaron squeezes his hand. 

“I hate fire,” Robert says, eventually. He thinks of his mum, of his father’s horrified face, Andy’s guilt. He leans back against the table. “Next time Liv asks —”

“Don’t think she will, mate,” Aaron tells him. He’s looking at Robert, careful and sure, and then leans in, kisses him softly. 

Robert pulls away just enough that he can talk. His nose brushes against Aaron’s cheek. “Not your mate.”

The door to the pub opens, Sam and Cain spilling out into the open, heading back for the bonfire. Robert watches them, sees more people trickling back out. Chas must have put a stop on the free booze.

Aaron ignores them, grinning. He kisses Robert again. “Come on. You owe me a burger.”

Letting Aaron tug him up, Robert takes a moment to steady himself and then follows Aaron into the pub, putting a good distance between himself and the impending firework display.

Chas passes them on her way out into the night, brushing a hand against Robert’s shoulder. The door closes behind her. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” Aaron asks, standing in the doorway to the back, Liv poking her head around his body. “Just us. And Noah.”

Robert sees the burger — no onions — and pint Chas left on the bar, feels warmth flood his chest. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

Aaron disappears, but Liv hovers in the doorway, guilt and apprehension warring on her face. “I didn’t mean for that—”

“It’s okay,” Robert says, juggling both burger and pint. He doesn’t want to talk about it, wants her to think about it even less. “Come on. I’ll even let you pick the movie.”

Liv hesitates for a fraction of a second, then she grins. “You just don’t wanna watch Fast and Furious again.”

“I know all the words,” Robert complains, following Liv into the living room. “ _All the words_.”

Rolling her eyes, Liv drops onto the floor in front of the television, shoving Aaron aside. She demands Noah help her choose, and after a quick, worried look at Robert, Noah does. Robert sinks into the sofa, smiles softly when Aaron sits down beside him. 

“Alright?”

“Will be,” Robert assures him, resting a hand on Aaron’s knee. It’s only when Aaron’s fingers tangle with his, that Robert believes it might be true.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://sapphicsugden.tumblr.com)!


End file.
